Hello Reader, from your friend Nick, author of The 2-Hour Cocktail Party.

In this issue: the ultimate guide to hosting dinner parties, why conversations are better with 4 people, plus a message for single men who are tired of online dating, my favorite Western hotel in Kyoto, and more.

NICK GRAY FRIENDS NEWSLETTER

Why you’re getting this: I'm Nick Gray and this is my Friends Newsletter. I send this every month to interesting people I’ve connected with and friends I want to keep in touch with. You can un-subscríbe any time and I won't be mad. I won't even be notified!

Random Links: Dinner Parties

Here are a few things I've been reading online.

🍲 How to host an intellectual dialoging dinner by Fabrice Grinda​

Good primer! via Auren Hoffman, my favorite points are:

• Keep dinner groups small (8 guests) with diverse perspectives.

• Maintain one continuous conversation involving all participants. No side convos.

• Share the discussion theme with guests beforehand.

• Set clear start times with brief social periods before.

• Turn off phones completely during the dinner.

🌎 the ultimate guide to holding world class dinner parties​

More along the same theme. This is a good article by Auren Hoffman, via Kevin Kelly, I especially agree with these two: “invite in series, not parallel” and "only people with small minds host dinners with speakers.” More things I liked:

• Host dinner parties at home for best control over acoustics.

• Assign a moderator to guide conversation and manage participation.

• Invite guests sequentially to leverage commitments from key attendees.

• Food and wine quality are less important than conversation.

• Set and stick to a specific end time.

For more tips on hosting dinners, you can pull a lot from my book The 2-Hour Cocktail Party. Read the first 5 chapters for free here on my website.

💭 Why conversations are better with four people​

Three might be a crowd but four appears to be the magic number when it comes to conversation.

🎊 How to Host in 2025​

"Are we supposed to do “scruffy hospitality”—inviting people into our homes and lives “as is” rather than all tidied up, offering spaghetti and meatballs on paper plates rather than an elaborate hors d'oeuvres spread? Or is brunch hell and a true dinner party the only acceptable way of having guests over?"

My favorite points:

• Host niche events that maximize upside potential rather than minimize downside risk.

• Create events you're personally excited about rather than broadly palatable ones.

• Make hosting sustainable and enjoyable for yourself as a host.

• Don't wait for perfect conditions to host; they never come.

• Theater experience and "founder energy" can be assets for hosts.

• Take responsibility for your social life rather than blame external factors.

• Don't keep score of who reciprocates your hosting efforts.

A Message for Single Men

I posted this on my X / Twitter and on my LinkedIn a few weeks ago and it went viral with millions of views.

6 months ago I went on a first date with a woman in Austin, Texas.

The date was great. In fact, we have spent almost every day since then together.

Now she’s my girlfriend.

Guys, if you’re frustrated with online dating, I have some advice:

1. Delete your dating apps and start going out every single day.
2. You need to go to the gym, go to the grocery store, and go work from cafes.
3. You need to try a new group fitness class every other day, go to yoga and pilates, and join meetups for things that you’re interested in.

Be someone who is out and about. Talk to strangers, make friendly conversation, add value, and don’t be sketchy. Find fun things happening in town that you can invite people to.

I guess that’s pretty complicated, so try this for now:

Start saying yes to every single invitation that you get.

What you want as a single guy- and this is key- is “in real life surface area”.

You want to get out of your home and off of your phone so that you improve your odds to meet someone special in real life.

That’s what I am calling your “in real life surface area”.

I knew I needed this “in real life surface area” because I do bad on dating apps.

See, I’m not 6-feet tall and I don’t have a chiseled jaw. But I do feel comfortable talking to strangers.

I randomly met my girlfriend at the pool on a hot summer Tuesday evening. My friend Katelyn invited me to come hang out with her.

I was busy with work and I didn’t want to go but thank God I did.

I went to the pool that day because I wanted to say Yes to everything that would help me find a girlfriend.

Sitting at home doing extra work = No

Going to Barton Springs Pool = Yes

She was sitting up on the hill reading a book. I mustered up the courage to chat her up, but that’s another story.

For now you want to just go out. Every day. Make it a challenge if you need to. Go out every day for 10 days straight starting tomorrow.

Try new restaurants, coffee shops, and all the things I said in the other slides. Just start doing the things that the person you want to date might do too. And chat everyone up.

You can find a girlfriend if you get more “in real life surface area”.

Here is a nice photo of us on the beach.

Good women are out there. You just have to put in the work.

Odds & Ends

​HOTEL THE MITSUI KYOTO was my favorite Western hotel in Japan. It's $1300 per night, but the Marriott Bonvoy points redemption is fantastic: I think only 70,000 points per night. I made a long YouTube video tour of the property here.

New vlog: I went backstage at a conference with Sam Parr and Neville Medhora.

Personal brand stuff: Do you want better search results when people search for you on Google or ChatGPT? I love having a simple personal website at www.nickgray.net. My website helps me meet new people and put my best foot forward online.

If you're posting a lot on LinkedIn or X or elsewhere, you should probably also have a personal website to showcase your greatest content and a bit about yourself. If this is interesting to you -- I'm working on a new project. Email me back and I might make you a website, sort of like my own, totally free. In exchange, I'll ask for your feedback on what I'm trying to do. This is great for business owners, investors, real estate people, and anyone who wants to have a better footprint online.

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The End

Thanks for reading my Friends Newsletter. I'm sorry it's been so long since the last issue! Over the last few weeks, I rented a new house, went to Japan, went on a cruise, hung out with Mr. Beast and Shaan Puri for a few days, plus a bunch of other stuff. More to come!! I'll finally do those classifieds next issue - reply back if you have a company or project you want to plug.

🤠 Nick Gray

p.s. Here's the About Me on my website if you forgot who I am. We met [HOWWEMET GOES HERE].

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